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Thursday, December 3, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
You don't need a calculator to talk to your Heavenly Father.
This is a prayer I wrote during math class one day, just thought I would share it with whomever reads this. I encourage you to make it your own. Here goes..
Lord, You know my heart.
You know my longing to be changed.
You know my longing to be the change,
to be broken and poured out to heal others.
Lord, in my distress I will bring praise.
I will not live like this, I refuse.
Lord, You are so good to me.
You are my God.
You lead me by still waters and green pastures.
Help me not make any idols before You.
Idolization seems to take over way too much.
It should NEVER happen.
You love me.
I need to love You.
As much as I may deny it, I am worthy and I am blessed.
Lord, I have found myself in You.
But now I must get up and walk.
To where Jesus?
What does it mean to get up and walk?
Where?
How?
Show me Jesus, I need to walk.
You break through my deafness.
Help my heart stay bowed down.
You are good and you loved me,
even when I was Your enemy.
You STILL love me.
Thank You Jesus.
Lord, You know my heart.
You know my longing to be changed.
You know my longing to be the change,
to be broken and poured out to heal others.
Lord, in my distress I will bring praise.
I will not live like this, I refuse.
Lord, You are so good to me.
You are my God.
You lead me by still waters and green pastures.
Help me not make any idols before You.
Idolization seems to take over way too much.
It should NEVER happen.
You love me.
I need to love You.
As much as I may deny it, I am worthy and I am blessed.
Lord, I have found myself in You.
But now I must get up and walk.
To where Jesus?
What does it mean to get up and walk?
Where?
How?
Show me Jesus, I need to walk.
You break through my deafness.
Help my heart stay bowed down.
You are good and you loved me,
even when I was Your enemy.
You STILL love me.
Thank You Jesus.
Monday, October 19, 2009
And You drank the cup.
Once Satan enters your mind doesn't it feel so hard to throw him out and just lock the door?
And You loved me when I was Your enemy.
And You chose me when I didn't believe.
Explain to me why all the junk in my life that I throw to the bottom of the ocean keeps resurfacing?
You drank the cup that was all filled up
with my punishment and shame.
You're on top of the world and then all of a sudden your face down in the dirt. Yeah, how many times has this happened. More than we can count. I don't even know what else to write about this. Like, it pains me to think about it. I just want to scream or just plead with God to save me from this hell I call a life. The room spins and my body aches from the devils schemes that ruin my body.
Jesus, perfect through suffering
Jesus, our merciful High Priest
God has such compassion for us. Today, I got out of a hellish day of work and saw that it was yet again cloudy. But the sky did something cool it split into sections, in front of me was a dark cloud and behind me was sun breaking through clouds. Typical beauty after the storm. So, I drove to a friends house down the street. All day a sentence ran through my head, "And You loved me when I was Your enemy." That's it, that's all my brain could even process today. So as I drove towards the dark cloud I realized God still loves me even though I'm not driving towards His perfect Son.
The weakness of God is mighty
And the foolishness of His love has saved me.
I fell short today, it's not okay. And now all there is to do is write about it which i think is good to an extent. Stare at the wall for a couple dozen minutes then sleep. I'll beat myself up about it now but tomorrow I'll be okay. Not okay. It should bug me until every inch of my body longs for forgiveness, for redemption. Why won't I learn? Teach me God. Please! Deliver me from the pains of this world. Thank You for drinking the cup, the whole cup, every drop. You're not thirsty anymore, SHOW ME how to control the shame and transgressions from filling the cup up again.
My body aches as Satan torments my body, I just want to jump out of my skin.
And You loved me when I was Your enemy.
And You chose me when I didn't believe.
Explain to me why all the junk in my life that I throw to the bottom of the ocean keeps resurfacing?
You drank the cup that was all filled up
with my punishment and shame.
You're on top of the world and then all of a sudden your face down in the dirt. Yeah, how many times has this happened. More than we can count. I don't even know what else to write about this. Like, it pains me to think about it. I just want to scream or just plead with God to save me from this hell I call a life. The room spins and my body aches from the devils schemes that ruin my body.
Jesus, perfect through suffering
Jesus, our merciful High Priest
God has such compassion for us. Today, I got out of a hellish day of work and saw that it was yet again cloudy. But the sky did something cool it split into sections, in front of me was a dark cloud and behind me was sun breaking through clouds. Typical beauty after the storm. So, I drove to a friends house down the street. All day a sentence ran through my head, "And You loved me when I was Your enemy." That's it, that's all my brain could even process today. So as I drove towards the dark cloud I realized God still loves me even though I'm not driving towards His perfect Son.
The weakness of God is mighty
And the foolishness of His love has saved me.
I fell short today, it's not okay. And now all there is to do is write about it which i think is good to an extent. Stare at the wall for a couple dozen minutes then sleep. I'll beat myself up about it now but tomorrow I'll be okay. Not okay. It should bug me until every inch of my body longs for forgiveness, for redemption. Why won't I learn? Teach me God. Please! Deliver me from the pains of this world. Thank You for drinking the cup, the whole cup, every drop. You're not thirsty anymore, SHOW ME how to control the shame and transgressions from filling the cup up again.
My body aches as Satan torments my body, I just want to jump out of my skin.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
A Devotional for Thought, 2.
October 9
"The LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion." (Isaiah 30:18)
The greenest grass is found wherever the most rain falls. So I suppose it is the fog and mist of Ireland that makes it "the Emerald Isle." And wherever you find the widespread fog of trouble and the mist of sorrow, you always find emerald green hearts that are full of the beauitful foliage of the comfort and love of God.
Dear Christian, do not say, "Where are all the swallows? They are all gone - they are dead." No, they are not dead. They have simply skimmed across the deep, blue sea, flying to a faraway land; but they will be back again soon.
Child of God, do not say, "All the flowers are dead - the winter has killed them, so they are gone." No! Although the winter has covered them with a white coat of snow, they will push up their heads again and will be alive very soon.
O believer, do not say that the sun has burned out, just because a cloud has hidden it. No, it is still there, planning a summer for you; for when it shines again, it will have caused those clouds to have dropped their April showers, each of them a mother to a sweet mayflower.
Above all, remember - when God hides His face from you, do not say that He has forgotten you. He is simply waiting for a little while to make you love Him more. And once He comes, you will rejoice with the inexpressible "joy of the LORD" (Nehemiah 8:10). Waiting on Him exercises your gift of grace and tests your faith. Therefore continue to wait in hope, for although the promise may linger, it will never come too late.
Oh, every year has its winter,
And every year has its rain -
But a day is always coming
When the birds go north again.
When new leaves sprout in the forest,
And grass springs green on the plain,
And tulips boast their blossoms-
And the birds go north again.
Oh every heart has its sorrow,
And every heart has its pain-
But a day is always coming
When the birds go north again.
It's the sweetest thing to remember,
If your courage starts to wane,
When the cold, dark days are over-
That the birds go north again.
"The LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion." (Isaiah 30:18)
The greenest grass is found wherever the most rain falls. So I suppose it is the fog and mist of Ireland that makes it "the Emerald Isle." And wherever you find the widespread fog of trouble and the mist of sorrow, you always find emerald green hearts that are full of the beauitful foliage of the comfort and love of God.
Dear Christian, do not say, "Where are all the swallows? They are all gone - they are dead." No, they are not dead. They have simply skimmed across the deep, blue sea, flying to a faraway land; but they will be back again soon.
Child of God, do not say, "All the flowers are dead - the winter has killed them, so they are gone." No! Although the winter has covered them with a white coat of snow, they will push up their heads again and will be alive very soon.
O believer, do not say that the sun has burned out, just because a cloud has hidden it. No, it is still there, planning a summer for you; for when it shines again, it will have caused those clouds to have dropped their April showers, each of them a mother to a sweet mayflower.
Above all, remember - when God hides His face from you, do not say that He has forgotten you. He is simply waiting for a little while to make you love Him more. And once He comes, you will rejoice with the inexpressible "joy of the LORD" (Nehemiah 8:10). Waiting on Him exercises your gift of grace and tests your faith. Therefore continue to wait in hope, for although the promise may linger, it will never come too late.
Oh, every year has its winter,
And every year has its rain -
But a day is always coming
When the birds go north again.
When new leaves sprout in the forest,
And grass springs green on the plain,
And tulips boast their blossoms-
And the birds go north again.
Oh every heart has its sorrow,
And every heart has its pain-
But a day is always coming
When the birds go north again.
It's the sweetest thing to remember,
If your courage starts to wane,
When the cold, dark days are over-
That the birds go north again.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Produce & Prayer.
I work at Shoprite.. in Oakland, New Jersey.
It takes about 15 minutes-ish if I want to get there on time.
I wear black pants when I go to work.
I have to shave everyday before I go to work.
I get paid 7.85 (I recently got a raise.)
I started working at Shoprite in about mid-March in the NetGrocer department, it was simple and fun and I got paid to shop for people. Best job ever, right?
You're probably wondering why I am writing a blog entry about my job.. I'll get to that soon.
Anyways, I went away to Uganda for 2.5 weeks in May and when I get back I'm coerced into switching to the produce department for "the summer". Being someone that has a hard time saying no and always wanting to please someone, I went and I started in produce. It SUCKED. Not one person talked to me but the boss. I was ignored, I knew people talked about me. I didn't know what I was doing. I felt so alone and just wanted to get out of there. Jesus was the only thing that got me through the days I worked there. I thanked Him for even having a job, for providing these hours and this money for me. As I readjusted back into American culture, I became less grateful of my job and just all together hated it. I was up and down with my emotions, I was irritated, sad, mad, you name it. I worked in produce longer than I was even in NetGrocer, it was ridiculous. I honestly remember those low days so very well and how I would discover each time after them that God was the only thing getting me through the days again and again. Positivity is the key to success, it truly is. I started going to work with a positive attitude, praying for my day, asking God to provide strength and understanding through my grief.
I started praying while working with produce.
It sounds silly, but I would pray while I was handling all the produce. It was pretty intense. I would try being positive through my whole shifts, sometimes I would fail and just fall into this mood and some days I would get great success out of my prayer and my positive attitude.
I could go on and on about how much I hate the produce department at Shoprite and how it was a waste of time to me but honestly, It taught me a lesson. Working there taught me patience, it taught me that prayer is so powerful. It was a big lesson in patience because 2 days ago I was put back into NetGrocer! (Praise Jesus!)
Produce was a test for which I am very grateful. As grueling as it was, I know that with God all things are possible and I see how He provides for me and wants me to be happy and how He will never forsake me. He died for my sins & put me back into Netgrocer didn't He! Those things are one in the same. He keeps promises and He does not fail us.
Anyways, this blog entry seems quite repetitive and ridiculous but all I'm trying to say is that God will NEVER give you more than you can handle. And even if you think you can't handle what you have right now, He can. Prayer is so powerful it's actually ridiculous. AND God is going to test you, just know that. You're going to struggle, and you're going to fall and scrape your knees. Just remember,
"God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28)
It takes about 15 minutes-ish if I want to get there on time.
I wear black pants when I go to work.
I have to shave everyday before I go to work.
I get paid 7.85 (I recently got a raise.)
I started working at Shoprite in about mid-March in the NetGrocer department, it was simple and fun and I got paid to shop for people. Best job ever, right?
You're probably wondering why I am writing a blog entry about my job.. I'll get to that soon.
Anyways, I went away to Uganda for 2.5 weeks in May and when I get back I'm coerced into switching to the produce department for "the summer". Being someone that has a hard time saying no and always wanting to please someone, I went and I started in produce. It SUCKED. Not one person talked to me but the boss. I was ignored, I knew people talked about me. I didn't know what I was doing. I felt so alone and just wanted to get out of there. Jesus was the only thing that got me through the days I worked there. I thanked Him for even having a job, for providing these hours and this money for me. As I readjusted back into American culture, I became less grateful of my job and just all together hated it. I was up and down with my emotions, I was irritated, sad, mad, you name it. I worked in produce longer than I was even in NetGrocer, it was ridiculous. I honestly remember those low days so very well and how I would discover each time after them that God was the only thing getting me through the days again and again. Positivity is the key to success, it truly is. I started going to work with a positive attitude, praying for my day, asking God to provide strength and understanding through my grief.
I started praying while working with produce.
It sounds silly, but I would pray while I was handling all the produce. It was pretty intense. I would try being positive through my whole shifts, sometimes I would fail and just fall into this mood and some days I would get great success out of my prayer and my positive attitude.
I could go on and on about how much I hate the produce department at Shoprite and how it was a waste of time to me but honestly, It taught me a lesson. Working there taught me patience, it taught me that prayer is so powerful. It was a big lesson in patience because 2 days ago I was put back into NetGrocer! (Praise Jesus!)
Produce was a test for which I am very grateful. As grueling as it was, I know that with God all things are possible and I see how He provides for me and wants me to be happy and how He will never forsake me. He died for my sins & put me back into Netgrocer didn't He! Those things are one in the same. He keeps promises and He does not fail us.
Anyways, this blog entry seems quite repetitive and ridiculous but all I'm trying to say is that God will NEVER give you more than you can handle. And even if you think you can't handle what you have right now, He can. Prayer is so powerful it's actually ridiculous. AND God is going to test you, just know that. You're going to struggle, and you're going to fall and scrape your knees. Just remember,
"God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A Devotional for Thought, 1.
October 3rd (Yeah I know I'm a day late, but hey.)
"after the earthquake came a fire...And after the fire came a gentle whisper." (1 Kings 19:12)
a woman who had made rapid progress in her understanding of the Lord was once asked the secret of her seemingly easy growth. her brief response was, "mind the checks."
the reason many of us do not know and understand God better is that we do not heed His gentle "checks" - His delicate restraints and constraints. His voice is "a gentle whisper." a whisper can hardly be heard, so it must be felt as a faint and steady pressure upon the heart and mind, like the touch of a morning breeze calmly moving across the soul. and when it is heeded, it quietly grows clearer in the inner ear of the heart.
God's voice is directed to the ear of love, and true love is intent upon hearing even the faintest whisper. yet there comes a time when His love ceases to speak, when we do not respond to or believe His message. "God is love" (1 John 4:8), and if you want to know Him and His voice, you must continually listen to His gentle touches.
so when you are about to say something in conversation with others, and you sense a gentle restraint from His quiet whisper, heed the restraint and refrain from speaking. and when you are about to pursue some course of action that seems perfectly clear and right, yet you sense in your spirit another path being suggested with the force of quiet conviction, heed that conviction. follow the alternate course, even if the change of plans appears to be absolute folly from the perspective of human wisdom.
also learn to wait on God until He unfolds His will before you. allow Him to develop all the plans of your heart and mind, and then let Him accomplish them. do not possess any wisdom of your own, for often His performance will appear to contradict the plan He gave you. God will seem to work against Himself, so simply listen, obey, and trust Him, even when it appears to be the greatest absurdity to do so. ultimately, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28), but many times, in the initial stages of the performance of His plans:
In His own world He is content
To play a losing game.
therefore if you desire to know God's voice, never consider the final outcome or the possible results. obey Him even when He asks you to move while you still see only darkness, for He Himself will be a glorious light within you. then there will quickly spring up within your heart a knowledge of God and a fellowship with Him, which will be overpowering enough in themselves to hold you and Him together, even in the most severe tests and under the strongest pressures of life.
"after the earthquake came a fire...And after the fire came a gentle whisper." (1 Kings 19:12)
a woman who had made rapid progress in her understanding of the Lord was once asked the secret of her seemingly easy growth. her brief response was, "mind the checks."
the reason many of us do not know and understand God better is that we do not heed His gentle "checks" - His delicate restraints and constraints. His voice is "a gentle whisper." a whisper can hardly be heard, so it must be felt as a faint and steady pressure upon the heart and mind, like the touch of a morning breeze calmly moving across the soul. and when it is heeded, it quietly grows clearer in the inner ear of the heart.
God's voice is directed to the ear of love, and true love is intent upon hearing even the faintest whisper. yet there comes a time when His love ceases to speak, when we do not respond to or believe His message. "God is love" (1 John 4:8), and if you want to know Him and His voice, you must continually listen to His gentle touches.
so when you are about to say something in conversation with others, and you sense a gentle restraint from His quiet whisper, heed the restraint and refrain from speaking. and when you are about to pursue some course of action that seems perfectly clear and right, yet you sense in your spirit another path being suggested with the force of quiet conviction, heed that conviction. follow the alternate course, even if the change of plans appears to be absolute folly from the perspective of human wisdom.
also learn to wait on God until He unfolds His will before you. allow Him to develop all the plans of your heart and mind, and then let Him accomplish them. do not possess any wisdom of your own, for often His performance will appear to contradict the plan He gave you. God will seem to work against Himself, so simply listen, obey, and trust Him, even when it appears to be the greatest absurdity to do so. ultimately, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28), but many times, in the initial stages of the performance of His plans:
In His own world He is content
To play a losing game.
therefore if you desire to know God's voice, never consider the final outcome or the possible results. obey Him even when He asks you to move while you still see only darkness, for He Himself will be a glorious light within you. then there will quickly spring up within your heart a knowledge of God and a fellowship with Him, which will be overpowering enough in themselves to hold you and Him together, even in the most severe tests and under the strongest pressures of life.
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